8/22/2008 - I Heart Daddy
Can’t talk. Running out the door. Dad got call. His new heart is waiting. He’s being rushed into surgery this afternoon. He’s weak but I know he can make it through. He’s a stubborn asshole. Love him. He can’t die yet! He has to see his grandkids first. Praying for a miracle. Excited, terrified, anxious…no words to describe how I’m feeling. Thank God for my husband who won’t even let me entertain the thought of a failed surgery. Gotta go, let’s wish him the best!
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8/15/2008 - Blargh
WTF…I already knew society was heading in the gutter but the world has definitely been going APESHIT! So much is happening, I’ve kept it all inside but the dam is about to bust open. I feel a rant coming in 5, 4, 3, 2…
1. Russia needs to put the Vodka down, sober up and realize the shit they are doing. Do they think they’re Germany now? Are they gonna bomb Poland now? Is the big bad country mad because the US isn’t letting them bully Georgia? I know our country is constantly accused of meddling but how can you watch what’s going on and do nothing? Fuck you Russian military officials!
2. Is it just me or are attacks becoming more primal and brutal. I’m talking about Neanderthal shit. Like the psycho that sliced off a head on the Greyhound bus then decided to stroll around dangling the head and cutting off body parts. What about the DJ in Florida that had his eyes ripped out by some fucker for no reason at all. Let’s remember the wacko China man that killed the American tourist then jumped off the building. Ummm…where’s the reasoning? What ever happened to motive?
3. Phelps. Proved the fucking Frenchies wrong didn’t he? Now who’s fucking laughing, bitches? Yes…he’s BIONIC. He could probably outswim a fucking dolphin. Someone needs to check his feet for rotors.
4. Cashews. Those delectable little nuts that melt in your mouth like a sweet orgasm…and I’m allergic! I break out like some leper. DAMN YOU CASHEWS!
5. Am I the only one that gets emotional during those Visa Olympics commercials? Have you seen the one where the runner can’t make it to the finish line so his father comes out of the crowd to help him limp to the finish line? Fuck you VISA for hiring Morgan Freeman to speak in that dramatic voice.
6. This one takes the cake. This one made me want to punch a baby and kick a kitten. For those unaware of this story, let me recap. A couple was arrested in Philadelphia after their disabled daughter was found dead in a hot and insect-infested room. Her body only weighed 42 pounds and was covered in sores and feces. DHS, who was supposed to protect her welfare and check up on her, has since fired all the workers associated with this case and a major cover-up was discovered. Case closed, right? You better sit down for this one. THE PARENTS ARE SUING DHS FOR NEGLECTING THEIR DUTIES!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! My BP just shot up and my eyes are bloodshot. How dare they point the fucking finger to someone else when you just let your daughter fucking rot in your own home. How the hell did you walk by her dead body and ignore that smell? Did you buy some Glade Plug Ins or Lysol so her presence wouldn’t bother you? It’s because of worthless shit like you that DHS is swamped with cases and some files fall through the cracks. Just looking at your faces makes me sick. RIP--Danieal Kelly. I know you are much better now than you ever were here.
 
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8/10/2008 - Where Am I?
So at about 6am, I woke up naked and in a cold sweat wondering where I left my purse. My husband told me to go back to sleep so I passed out and didn't wake up until 2 pm on Saturday.
Highlights of Friday evening:
1. Doing 3 Tequila shots then instantly downing 1 Corona on a dare.
2. Tyrone (someone my husband is not fond of) showing up and volunteering to watch me because it was my birthday.He drove us to all the bars since our chauffeur decided to drink too.
3. Nicki flashing titties.
4. Nicki getting on her knees and biting my leg in front of about 40 Latin guys.
5. Telling 2 brothas that I'm gay because they wouldn't leave me alone. They still insisted so my friend, Nicki, stepped in and said she was my wife.
6. Maureen and I biting Nicki's tits.
7. Flashing Tyrone as I removed all the money that Mari stuffed down my bra.
8. Falling on my ass at the Latin club. I'm sure there was a flash of panty.
9. Scooting down the club's stairs so I wouldn't fall.
10. My husband showing up at the Latin bar to take me home just in time to see Mari flashing her ass to everyone outside.
11. Stumbling barefoot as my husband threw me in a cab and took me home just in time to vomit all over our foyer. I got his arm and feet too! |
This was the best birthday ever!!! Below are some of the safe pics. You can see our steady decline as you scroll down. The theme for the night was "tongue".
  
  
  
  
 
And the pic that showed why I got flagged...
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8/8/2008 - Lucky 8s
So today is my big day. My husband woke me up at 12am to wish me a happy birthday then woke me up again at 7 AM to sing to me. Normally I would bust someone in their face if they interrupt my sleep but this was a rather pleasant wake-up.
Last night he gave me quite a performance. He couldn’t wait to give me my gift so he came into the room after rummaging in the living room. He lay on the bed and said, “If you want your gift, you have to reach in my pants.” I’m not kidding. I love a game of “pet the angry snake” so I dove right in. I pushed some dangling goods aside and got to a large white box. I opened it and found a beautiful white gold necklace with a diamond charm. **EXPLICIT HAPPENINGS EDITED OUT**
This is what I fucking love about him…that sick sense of humor and his insanity. He has now given me this story to tell to everyone. I’m at work now but I’ll soon head home to begin to glam up for tonight. We’ve added 2 more bars to the itinerary w/my last stop being the most popular Latin bar in town for some dancing, food and liquor.
Thank you to all of you who have put up with me for another tumultuous year. Call me what you will… Hate me or love me, you’re still reading.
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8/5/2008 - 3 Days
Days Left
So my big day is approaching. Big ups to Gothic for sending me some VERY early wishes on MySpace. My pal, Nicki, has a whole big bash planned. We’ll be bar hopping from 8pm until the sun comes up. I haven’t had a crazy night out in more than a year! She even got a fucking chauffeur. How “P.Diddy” is that??? Maybe I’ll get a guy to walk around holding an umbrella over me too.
I bought a smoking dress for the event from Torrid. I had it EXPRESS delivered just to be sure it would arrive before my big day. I thought it was coming via UPS but then an email showed it was actually Fedex. I waited and waited for the delivery yesterday since I took a day off to do some decorating around at my apartment. I sat in my parent’s house when, suddenly, I got that pinch “down there” telling me I had to pee.I should have never drank all that damn Iced Tea. I held it and even did a little dance to ward off the pee spirits. It didn’t work, I flew downstairs to the basement bathroom. The neighbors must have thought I was having a porn marathon on tv with all my moans.
Needless to say, after my pee orgasm, I saw that dreaded “1st attempt” note on the screen door. I almost cried. My dress was thrown back into the truck and shuffled around town again. I just came back from driving into the city to get that dress at the Fedex headquarters. I was stroking the fabric all the way home. I may have gotten some drool on it...and maybe some other bodily fluids.
Saturday I got the matching stilettos and Sunday I choppy chopped my hair and slapped on some golden highlights. Hot, right? |
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